In 2019, I experienced three early-pregnancy losses and was diagnosed with recurrent pregnancy loss due to unexplained secondary infertility. (You can read more about that here.) Last year, in 2020, we finally had our triple “Rainbow Baby” and yet, I still talk about our miscarriages and post about them on Instagram.
Well, simply put, I don’t want other people to feel alone because I was lucky enough not to.
Let me explain. When we were trying for our second baby and got pregnant, I happily posted about it to my public Instagram page where I was trying to share content related to mom life. I was naive in the way that many people are before they experience pregnancy loss, so I didn’t really think that I was chancing having to tell people about a miscarriage.
When we went on to lose that baby, I obviously had to say something. Suddenly, I found myself in a very weird place telling my internet friends something that still felt surreal to me.
You know what happened?
I got support that I didn’t even know that I needed at the time.
Strangers on the internet were giving me the care, support, understanding and love that people in my real life didn’t know how to give me. Suddenly, I was surrounded by a community of people that were invested in my journey through secondary infertility. They were rooting for us and for our eventual “Rainbow Baby.“
Long after our friends and family stopped talking about what we went through, I had others online who understood that the pain of a miscarriage or loss can be with you long after the medical portion of your loss is over. Other people understood that I felt a massive loss by losing my three babes and that it wasn’t something I’d ever be over.
I felt validated in my grief and knew it was okay to process my emotions as long as I needed to.
I never want someone to go through miscarriage alone.
My accidental community is something that I’m grateful for everyday. I didn’t know that I was going to end up talking about miscarriage two years later or that I’d find a fierce part of myself that wanted to support other people who were suddenly faced with a loss.
If you’re someone who is going through a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, I can’t emphasize enough how important having an online community can be.
While many people in your personal life may not understand what you’re going through or be uncomfortable talking about what you’re going through, there is a whole community online who will welcome you with open arms and support you.
This isn’t something you have to face alone. Even if you’re not looking to share your story, I encourage you to find people to follow online that can help you navigate your feelings of loss and know that you’re not alone in how you feel or your experience.
Here are a few amazing accounts on Instagram to get you started:
- Growing Graci (that’s me!)
- The Miscarriage Doula – Arden Cartrette
- I Had a Miscarriage – Jessica Zucker, Ph.D
- Expecting Anything – Victoria Nino
Do you have accounts on social media that you’d recommend? I’d love to hear about them in the comments below!