How Pregnancy Is Different After Miscarriage
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In January, my husband and I had a miscarriage. (You can read about that experience here.) Then, in April, we found out that we were pregnant again after trying to conceive for one cycle. Though we felt INCREDIBLY lucky and excited, we knew immediately that pregnancy after
Below, I’m going to go over all the ways that pregnancy after miscarriage is different than any pregnancy prior to experiencing a loss.
#1 – Pregnancy Isn’t Carefree
When I think back to my first pregnancy with Graci, I often feel like I was so naive. Sure, I worried that I could miscarry – everyone worries about that! But, I had no idea what the pain of miscarriage was like. I was scared of it, but I didn’t know the thing that I was afraid of intimately. (Check out all the things that I feared during my first pregnancy here.)
However, this time around, I’ve met the enemy, so to speak. I know what miscarriage feels like and I know how it can flip your world upside down in a moment.
I can honestly say that there has not been a single moment of this new pregnancy that wasn’t tainted with the fear that this pregnancy would also result in a miscarriage. Not a single moment since I saw those two pink lines.
#2 – Every Symptom Will Be Meaningful
When you’re pregnant after a miscarriage, you’re hyper-aware of your body. Every single thing that you feel can feel like a sign of something. Most of the time, it isn’t, but you’re mind will wander.
During my first pregnancy, I had no idea what to expect. I had nothing to compare my experience to. Now, I’ve had one pregnancy that resulted in my daughter, Graci, and one pregnancy that ended in a heartbreaking loss. You better believe that I’m constantly comparing my symptoms to both of my previous pregnancies and worrying when the symptoms more closely align with my loss pregnancy.
#3 – I Correct Myself With “If” Rather Than “When”
When I talk about the coming months, I sometimes say things like, “when the baby is born…” or “when this baby is one…”
But then I correct myself and say instead, “if we are able to have this baby…” or “if this baby makes it, they’ll be one when…”
Pregnancy after miscarriage is like walking on eggshells with a gigantic question mark over your head.
During my pregnancy with Graci, I thought that I knew fear. In fact, I wrote an entire blog post about holding my breath until the second trimester when I thought we’d be guaranteed to have a baby. In that
This time, I’m not sure that I’ll ever get that relief until my baby is in my arms.
#4 – Going For OBGYN Appointments Brings Difficult Reminders
I used to bound into my OBGYN office with excitement. A little bit of fear, of course, but as I mentioned, the “fear” that I thought I had prior to my miscarriage was nothing compared to the fear I have now.
Our second pregnancy ended was the one that ended in miscarriage for us. When we went into the ultrasound, we weren’t expecting to see a baby with no heartbeat. (Read about our story here.) Even though I had experienced some weird intuition about the pregnancy, I had done such a good job of telling myself that I was being ridiculous, that the day of the appointment I was in a good mood and excited to take home new ultrasound photos of my growing baby.
Now, whenever we even go to the OBGYN office, I can feel my panic start to rise.
The very first time I had to pee in a cup for this new pregnancy at the very first appointment, I was reminded of that last doctor visit where they told me my baby no longer had a heartbeat and had stopped growing.
When I filled out the paperwork for prenatal care, I was reminded that I filled out the same forms for a baby I never got to meet.
Every single thing about our doctor’s office is a harsh reminder of that day.
#5 – You Feel Guilty For Upsetting Everyone Else If Things End Badly Again
This new pregnancy has been a rollercoaster. My HCG levels didn’t show the correct doubling pattern and the first ultrasound didn’t show a baby. The OBGYN nurse told us that there was no way that the pregnancy was viable on three different occasions.
Then, we went in for one final ultrasound before I stopped taking progesterone supplements, and we saw a heartbeat. We definitely aren’t out of the woods yet, and we left the last appointment with the diagnosis of “threatened miscarriage.”
During this rollercoaster, we had let our family know what was going on. With every update, I felt a little guilty for dragging them along on this ride. In some sense, I felt like I was being cruel by bringing people into my own personal nightmare.
After all, they had already seen us through one miscarriage, was it really fair to burden them with this?
I felt like we’d already used our “free pass” for support since it was a shock the first time, but now I was a woman who had a previous miscarriage.
Maybe I should be protecting everyone else around me by not telling them what was going on or that I was even pregnant at all?
I think it is this feeling that keeps a lot of couples silent about their struggle. They end up worrying too much about their loved ones.
Instead, a couple should be surrounded by their loved ones and be supported in their journey.
UPDATE 5/21/2019: We ended up losing this pregnancy as well. When we returned to the doctor the day after I posted this, there was no longer a heartbeat.
If you are pregnant after miscarriage, my thoughts are with you. People who have never gone through this journey have no idea what it is like to fear something that you know first-hand. I’m sending you all my love!
I lost my first pregnancy at 6 weeks. My first period since this is due any day. One one hand I’m dreading it but on the other I know this means we can try to conceive again next month. I know I will be scared like you throughout the whole next pregnancy and I think its normal to feel this way. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for this post. It’s so raw and so real. I lost my first pregnancy at 10 weeks and now I’m 6 weeks into my second and I’ve never been so anxious in my life. Thank you for understanding how it’s different for us than for other pregnant women
I’m sorry for your loss. I feel your pain on so many levels. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage, 2nd was twins (they are fine), then a singleton (also fine), then two more miscarriages. They don’t get any easier. I just recently lost the last one on Monday after we had been trying for 5 years for this baby. It’s so hard to create this life in your head that includes your new baby only to have it torn away. My heart is with you. And good luck to you and your family.
Thank you for this post. we were told today that we miscarried approx 3 weeks ago and it was missed. we are truly devastated and feeling very lost. I am sorry for your loss . grateful for this information.
I tried for 4 years,finally got pregnant and found out I had a missed miscarriage around 10 weeks.2 years later and I am pregnant again at 13 weeks and 5 days.This pregnancy has been completely different than the missed miscarriage pregnancy.Other than progesterone this pregnancy so far seems completely normal.I’m still too terrified to purchase anything.Prayers for you and yours🖤Please never give up hope
Thank you for your article. My prayers are with you to grow you family. I lost my 3rd baby this week. It was devastating. I have one healthy girl thank goodness but as for growing our family, we may not try again.
I feel like I can relate to you to a T! I have a now 15 month old and back in April we lost our 2nd baby. It was a missed miscarriage. Well I just found out I am pregnant again and I am excited but also scared. I was still breastfeeding my son and was told by the doctor to stop due to me having a miscarriage. But aside from that I am scared to go to the doctor one month and they tell me my baby no longer has a heartbeat. I also thought of miscarriage with my first and was fearful and then I was pregnant with my second and was like okay this pregnancy is going great and I announced early. It hurts. I see others pregnant and I am excited for them but also sad because I would be about 5 months pregnant now.