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Deciding when to announce a pregnancy is a decision that only you and your partner can make. Only you will know when the time is right to share the news with loved ones, acquaintances and coworkers.
Having gone through three pregnancies now, two of which were lost during the first trimester, I’d love to share my personal experience and provide a few factors to consider while you make your decision.
However, before we get into this post, I want to stress to you that you absolutely should feel empowered to announce your pregnancy whenever you are ready.
3 Pregnancies, 2 Losses
Back in October of 2016, I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter, Graci. My boyfriend and I decided that we were going to tell loved ones the same night that we got our positive pregnancy test.
I’m not sure that we had put a lot of thought into this decision — I think that we were mostly so overwhelmed with emotions (excitement and fear), that we wanted to tell someone!
After telling our immediate family, we didn’t really keep the pregnancy a secret. The only person that we kept the pregnancy a secret from was from my step-daughter. We didn’t want to have her go through the potential rollercoaster of miscarriage since she was only 8.
Once we crossed over the threshold of the first trimester, we announced it on social media and on Christmas morning we told my step-daughter.
My daughter was born healthy the next June and I never really gave much thought to whether it had been a good or bad decision to be so open about the pregnancy.
When my now husband and I found out we were expecting again in December of 2018, we immediately my step-daughter and then proceeded to tell our family. At this point, we didn’t fear a potential miscarriage causing my step-daughter pain, because we thought everything was likely to go smoothly.
After our first doctor appointment where we received ultrasound photos, we announced the pregnancy on our personal social media. (I had already announced our pregnancy with my amazing Growing Graci community on Instagram.)
At our 9 week appointment, we found out that our baby no longer had a heartbeat, and I had to have a D&C the next day. Since we had already announced the pregnancy to the world at large, we then had to think of a way to tell everyone what had happened. It was tough.
When we decided to immediately try again, we were surprised to find out that we had conceived in April 2019. This time, we were cautious to tell those around us that we were even pregnant. We still chose to tell our family and close friends, but we opted not to share our news on our personal social media. (Again, my GG community knew almost immediately on Instagram!)
And we told my step-daughter. During the period after our first miscarriage, we spent a lot of time talking to her about everything and asked her what she would prefer us to do in the future. She’s 10 and we thought she could make the decision for herself on whether she’d want us to tell her the next time we got pregnant, or keep it a secret until we got a little further along. She opted to know ASAP.
Sadly, we lost this baby as well. Once again, we had to tell our loved ones that there wouldn’t be a baby. My step-daughter being the incredible girl that she is, simply hugged me and told me she was so sorry. Our family shared in our disbelief that it had happened again.
Since this pregnancy was rocky from the get-go, we never felt like completely announcing it on our personal social media.
Things To Consider When Deciding When To Announce A Pregnancy
1. What do you WANT to do?
This sounds super simple, but hear me out.
My husband and I were always too excited to really keep a secret from our families once we saw those two pink lines. And that’s great.
But you might want to keep it just between you and your partner. That could be really fun, too! And, I think this is kind of romantic to share this knowledge only with each other.
2. Do you want to do a big surprise for loved ones to let them know?
As mentioned above, my husband and I never waited long enough to plan a special way to tell our families. Instead, we usually FaceTimed them excitedly and spilled the beans.
But if you think that a surprise would be a fun way to tell your loved ones, go for it! (And be sure to check out all these super cute pregnancy reveal options on Etsy!)
And, if you need a little inspiration for how to do the big reveal, be sure to check out our Pinterest board full of ideas and be sure to follow us!
3. When will you feel the most comfortable sharing your pregnancy news?
Many couples choose to wait until the second trimester to announce their pregnancies. The general thought behind this is that your chances of miscarriage go down in the second trimester. (You can read more about the statistics here.)
I personally don’t think that a couple should have to keep their pregnancy a secret until the second trimester UNLESS they want to do that for themselves.
During my last pregnancy, I felt so much guilt after telling our loved ones (and the GG community) about our pregnancy because I worried about dragging other people through the possible pain of a miscarriage. I felt like it should be our burden and that by sharing our news we were potentially sharing our pain.
But here’s the thing that I’ve learned after two losses: no matter whether you tell people about your baby or not, the pain is going to be the same for you, and your loved ones should want to support you through that.
So that means that the question really comes down to what will make you feel the most comfortable in the event that something happens, NOT what you think will make everyone else the most comfortable.
If you think that you’ll do better without other people knowing in the event something happens, that’s perfectly okay. If you think you’d rather have your loved one’s support through it, then let them know earlier. It’s up to you.
A note about children:
The only caveat that I think is worth mentioning here is children. When we were pregnant the first time, we chose to wait to tell my step-daughter. There was a lot going on in her life at the time and the last thing that I wanted for her was to find out about a baby and then to lose it.
As I mentioned above, we told her about our subsequent pregnancies that both ended up in loss. The second pregnancy we were naive in thinking that we would not have a loss due to our daughter being born without complications and she was older and more secure. For the third pregnancy, we
While I think that a couple should feel like they can announce their pregnancy whenever they feel is the right time, it might be worth considering whether they think the child(ren) in their lives could handle a potential loss.
No matter what you decide to do, feel empowered in the fact that you’re making the right choice for your family, and do not let other people tell you otherwise.
Be sure to check out all of our pregnancy posts here!