When my husband (then boyfriend) and I got pregnant with our daughter Graci, it was after a month of halfheartedly-it-will-never-happen-anyway trying. We were both struck by baby fever and wanted a baby, so we threw our hat in the ring for one month. The timing wasn’t the greatest but nonetheless, we were super happy to be pregnant. You can read more about that pregnancy here.
Fast forward to June, and Graci turned 1-year-old. We decided that it was the right time to try for our second baby. Especially since we wanted them to be close in age.
But, we were nervous. Here’s why.
Telling Our Loved Ones We Were Trying To Conceive = Awkward
My husband suggested that we should let our loved ones know that we were trying. Mostly this was due to the fact that our pregnancy had been such a surprise to everyone. (Including us, because we never thought it would happen.)
Let me be 100% honest with you. Having these conversations was beyond awkward.
I felt like we were running around telling our parents that we were having sex. Of course, they knew that we did have sex (or at least that we had once, given we had a child), but it felt awkward to openly say that we were doing the deed in hopes of conceiving another baby.
Maybe I’m just immature, but telling my dad was especially awkward.
What If I’m Not Able To Get Pregnant?
Since we got pregnant our first go-around without really trying, we thought it was unlikely that we would have trouble conceiving. However, each time we have told someone that we are trying to conceive, the little voice in my head expresses that deep down fear that we won’t be able to.
And for some reason, I’m worried that if people know we’re trying and we aren’t pregnant soon, that they will all be wondering what is going on.
I’m a pretty open book though, and I think that if we do face long-term trouble conceiving, it will be nice to have a support system. (For the record, this is also how I felt about telling people that we were pregnant early on in my pregnancy before – if something did happen, I’d rather have the support of loved ones than struggle alone.)
Deciding whether or not to share your pregnancy or fertility journey is an extremely personal choice. If you feel like it will only stress you out more to tell your loved ones what you’re planning, then don’t do it! It is your business and up to you to decide when you want to share it.
What If They Think We Shouldn’t Be Trying?
My husband and I have talked a lot about when to have baby #2 and have been putting a lot of things in motion to make it doable. Sure, our first pregnancy wasn’t the best timing, we’ve worked hard to make this second baby very intentional, at the right time for us.
Truth be told, there will always be critics of anything you do with your life. I certainly faced that with my first pregnancy (more about that here).
As much as I would like to say that I don’t care about other people’s opinions of my life choices, I do. Sometimes I find myself wondering if our loved ones truly support our wish to get pregnant, or if they are simply withholding judgment to our faces.
That said I’m striving everyday to live the life I want. And worrying about what other people think about my life doesn’t really fit into that.
Whenever I find myself worrying about what other people might be thinking, I remind myself that is isn’t their business. In fact here are a just few things that are no one else’s business:
- When you decide to get pregnant or otherwise bring a child into your home
- How you get pregnant or bring a child into your home
- Number of children you want to have or raise
So, if you’re in my boat, worried about what others might think about your family planning, know that it isn’t up to them. You and you alone know what is best for yourself, your partner and family. (And yes, I know that this is easier said than done!)
What If We Are Being Insensitive To Others?
Something that I really worried about when we shared that we were trying for baby #2 was that another loved one may be going through fertility-related issues or mourning a pregnancy loss and that we would be insensitive in telling everyone that we were trying.
Let me be honest for a second here.
I feel insanely grateful that I was already able to have a healthy baby. I also feel a strange sense of guilt over the fact that I was able to have a healthy baby when so many people are not.
So, the fact that I want to have another baby really emphasizes that guilt feeling.
When we were telling our loved ones that we were trying to conceive again, I was worried that there was a chance that we were inadvertently being insensitive to others who may be personally struggling on their journey.
What If We Change Our Minds?
This was the least of my fears because my husband and I have been talking about baby #2 forever. However, it did cross my mind that it would be quite awkward to have everyone know that we wanted another baby and then have to tell them that we changed our mind.
Overall, that definitely wouldn’t be the end of the world, but it would have made that awkward conversation 100% pointless.
Everyone Is On Baby Watch
Now that the beans have been spilled, I feel like our loved ones are anxiously awaiting an announcement. It is a little bit pressuring.
But, if I’m completely honest, I think everyone has been on baby watch since the minute Graci was born. Oh well.
Did you tell loved ones that you were trying to conceive? If so, I’d love to hear about your experiences below!