Recovering From A Miscarriage: Things That Have Helped Me
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Chances are, there aren’t many people in your personal life that understand the personal hell you are going through right now – miscarriage recovery.
Unless a person has gone through a miscarriage, they have absolutely no capacity to understand.
Instead of resenting them for their ignorance, try to be glad that they have never faced the heartache that you’re having to deal with. (Yes, I know that’s SO much easier
Unfortunately, as a mom who’s had two miscarriages back-to-back, I understand what miscarriage recovery is like, and I have a few things I’d like to share.
Know that you’re not alone.
There’s an entire community out there that is ready and willing to support you. For me, I found that community on Instagram. Make sure to follow our account here and check out the following hashtags: #1in4, #miscarriageawareness and #ihadamiscarriage.
It can be so terrifying to talk about what you’ve experienced, but it can be so healing. Make sure to check out our series about miscarriage, infertility
If you’d rather find people to talk to in “real life,” you may be able to find support groups local to you. (I’d start looking by doing a quick Google search.)
Don’t punish your body.
Wallow and eat the junk food if it makes you happy.
But then start eating healthy again and take care of yourself.
Do not punish your body for what happened. Treat your body with kindness and try to remember that while you’re mentally in pain, your body has also been through trauma.
Find something to focus on.
Quite frankly, I want to punch people in the face when they tell me to “just relax” when the topic of trying to conceive comes up. So, if you’re instantly annoyed that I’m telling you to find something to focus on, I get it.
But hear me out.
After my first miscarriage, I threw myself into blogging and my Instagram account. I started talking about my journey and met so many incredible people.
And after my second miscarriage, I threw myself into turning my passion for blogging into a business.
Try to find something to distract yourself in some way. It helped me to focus my grief into something. For you, it may be gardening, crafts, planning, journaling, exercise or binge watching a new show on Netflix. Just listen to yourself about what brings you joy.
Try to understand that it wasn’t your fault.
You’ll hear the statistics over and over again that the majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities and no fault of yours. While these statistics are true, it may not stop you from beating yourself up.
I wrote a whole post about guilt after I had my first miscarriage. (Read it here.)
I’d love to tell you not to feel guilty and have it be as simple as that. It won’t be. But eventually, you’ll start to feel better.
Find something tangible to honor your baby.
Jewelry
My favorite way to honor the babies that I’ve lost is with jewelry from My Hero Creations. Since I took these photos, I’ve swapped out the heart ring at the bottom of the stack for a ring with two hearts (one for each loss) and added another pair of angel wings to my necklace.
Having these tangible pieces of jewelry that honor my babies gives me strength and has been such a crucial part of my miscarriage recovery journey. No one else knows what the jewelry signifies, but I do. And I have a little reminder whenever I wear the pieces. I can’t tell you how often I find myself spinning my rings in thought or thumbing through the charms of my necklace.
I absolutely love Christina who runs My Hero Creations. If you’d like to place your own order, be sure to use code “GROWINGGRACI” for 10% off. (This post was not sponsored.)
Other Items To Consider
Besides jewelry, we have also planted forget-me-nots and designated a special candle to light when we want to have a moment to honor them.
There is absolutely no “wrong” way to honor your baby. If having something tangible doesn’t help you, try to find something that does.
Don’t throw away the items you have from your pregnancy.
After our first miscarriage, we came home and I immediately starting putting my pregnancy items away and continued to either toss or stowaway items in the days after. The pregnancy journal that I’d been so excited to fill up, the items we’d already gathered for the baby to use, even the prescription hormone suppositories that I’d been on – they all got “dealt” with.
Luckily, I didn’t opt to toss out the pregnancy journal, though, it was the first item that I stuffed away – deep in my sock drawer.
I did, however, toss my prescription of hormone suppositories and then wished that I hadn’t a couple of months later when we had gotten pregnant again and had to pay for them all over again.
All of this is just to say that you should look at all of the items that you’re tempted to toss due to grief and think about putting them in a box somewhere out of sight instead. It’s perfectly okay to not deal with it right away.
Momma, if you’re going through a miscarriage, know that I’m so so so sorry. There are absolutely no words that make that pain better. However, I do hope that the above tips help in even a small way.
If you’ve experienced miscarriage and would like to share something that helped you on your miscarriage recovery, please feel free to comment below.
More articles about my miscarriage journey:
- I Had A Miscarriage At 8 Weeks
- Why I Felt Guilty After My Miscarriage
- What Not To Say To Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage
- Trying To Conceive After Miscarriage: Things I’ve Learned
- How Pregnancy Is Different After Miscarriage
- My Experience With Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
I lost my first baby 12/16/16. I was supposed to be 10 weeks but baby was only measuring 7 1/2 weeks (read my full story here: https://mamarissa.com/my-beginning-of-motherhood-miscarriage/) I was devastated, and I am devastated every time I hear of another mama who has lost a baby (or several). It is heartbreaking every time. I am so sorry for your losses. Nothing can replace those precious little lives.
The thing that helped me the most through the pain, grief and crazy hormones I dealt with for months afterward was talking to my mom and knowing she would listen and care. It was so helpful just to be able to randomly tell someone when I was missing my baby without having to explain anything else. My mom never had a miscarriage but she was so understanding.
My best advice is to not hold it in or hide your baby’s life from the rest of the world. If you’re not comfortable sharing your loss with people, at least find one understanding person you can go to when you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear.
Thank you for sharing your story <3
Thank you so much for this lovely comment. I’m so sorry that you’ve also known the pain of loss!
I agree 1000% about not throwing things away that you had gathered during the pregnancy. I’ve had two miscarriages, both at 7 weeks, and I deleted the pictures I had taken of my pregnancy announcement while I was in the midst of my pain for the second one. I regret it so much. We would have named her Katherine Joy. (Of course we didn’t know the gender yet-but sometimes you have a feeling, you know?) I highly recommend the book “Heaven is For Real.” There’s a chapter in it where the boy asks his mother about his other sister, and his mother is floored because she had never shared with him that she’d been pregnant and had miscarried. He confirmed for her that his sister was in Heaven, and couldn’t wait to meet them. And she was never named! So my husband and I chose names for the ones we lost. It helps the healing process so much. It’s been a couple years now but I will never forget them. They are rejoicing with Jesus in Heaven-the safest place they could be. And one day I will see them and hold them in Heaven.
Not throwing things away during the pain is really hard not to do! I’m so sorry for your losses!
Last year I had two miscarriages, first in June and second in November. Again this year I had another loss in July just last month… It’s really frustrating because each miscarriage comes with a different pain and I can’t help but putting the blame on my body for being unable to keep the baby alive inside me…
Thank you for this post. While reading it through my tears it actually gave me some comfort for the first time since losing my pregnancy. I’m more mad than anything right now. Monday my ultrasound tech found a heartbeat and found no reason as to why I was bleeding and that she expected me to have a healthy pregnancy. That night I woke up having passed the baby. I don’t understand why I was given relief and hope only for it to be taken away 12 hours later.
Tomorrow it’ll be 2 weeks since I miscarried (I was 6.5 weeks). It happened very fast and fortunately no need for medical intervention. Only a couple days ago I started really eating healthy again and on Sunday started doing short workouts (we have an indoor bike so I can now do cardio). I finally yesterday put away the home pregnancy tests and baby’s first blanket from one of my new good friends. We also named the baby Lachlan Grey (we obviously didn’t know the gender and already had names picked out for each gender (before we got married earlier this year knowing we want a family right away) and we want to save those names for future babies so we came up with a name for this one. Naming the baby has helped. I also will be looking into some of kind of jewelry. In no way am I handling this well-i go from heart broken to mad to not know what to say or feel. But these things have definitely helped. Hugs and love to all who have gone or are going through this.
I lost mine at 5 weeks, all within 1 week of finding out I was pregnant. J had prayed for this day for so long, and it was taken away from me it hurts so bad. It’s only been 1 day of grief and I wonder how I will ever get through it.
Thank you for writing this article and for all who have commented. You wouldn’t believe how helpful it is reading all your experiences and knowing I’m not alone. I have just been to our final scan today to check everything has been passed naturally. Which was in itself, truly traumatic. Having to sit in the early pregnancy unit with all the excitement new mummy’s waiting for their scans, knowing mine was just to double check I didn’t have anything left – totally heartbreaking. I was 10 weeks but the baby hadn’t developed passed 6 weeks. I’m glad I haven’t thrown anything away, as I am hoping to try again soon but I am far from emotionally ready right now. I have ordered myself a simple tiny white gold ring with the tiniest diamond in memory of my lost tiny baby, I’m hoping this will help as it has for you x
I’m so sorry to all the other momma’s out there that have lost their little ones, truly I know what pain you’re going through right now, but I also know that it will lessen with time x
Thank you for posting this. I went through 5 years of infertility to finally get pregnant in March. Unfortunately, in July we lost our sweet baby at 23 weeks. It has been so hard to try and wrap my head around. Reading other peoples stories has been helpful.