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Chances are, there aren’t many people in your personal life that understand the personal hell you are going through right now – miscarriage recovery.
Unless a person has gone through a miscarriage, they have absolutely no capacity to understand.
Instead of resenting them for their ignorance, try to be glad that they have never faced the heartache that you’re having to deal with. (Yes, I know that’s SO much easier
Unfortunately, as a mom who’s had two miscarriages back-to-back, I understand what miscarriage recovery is like, and I have a few things I’d like to share.
Know that you’re not alone.
There’s an entire community out there that is ready and willing to support you. For me, I found that community on Instagram. Make sure to follow our account here and check out the following hashtags: #1in4, #miscarriageawareness and #ihadamiscarriage.
It can be so terrifying to talk about what you’ve experienced, but it can be so healing. Make sure to check out our series about miscarriage, infertility
If you’d rather find people to talk to in “real life,” you may be able to find support groups local to you. (I’d start looking by doing a quick Google search.)
Don’t punish your body.
Wallow and eat the junk food if it makes you happy.
But then start eating healthy again and take care of yourself.
Do not punish your body for what happened. Treat your body with kindness and try to remember that while you’re mentally in pain, your body has also been through trauma.
Find something to focus on.
Quite frankly, I want to punch people in the face when they tell me to “just relax” when the topic of trying to conceive comes up. So, if you’re instantly annoyed that I’m telling you to find something to focus on, I get it.
But hear me out.
And after my second miscarriage, I threw myself into turning my passion for blogging into a business.
Try to find something to distract yourself in some way. It helped me to focus my grief into something. For you, it may be gardening, crafts, planning, journaling, exercise or binge watching a new show on Netflix. Just listen to yourself about what brings you joy.
Try to understand that it wasn’t your fault.
You’ll hear the statistics over and over again that the majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities and no fault of yours. While these statistics are true, it may not stop you from beating yourself up.
I wrote a whole post about guilt after I had my first miscarriage. (Read it here.)
I’d love to tell you not to feel guilty and have it be as simple as that. It won’t be. But eventually, you’ll start to feel better.
Find something tangible to honor your baby.
My favorite way to honor the babies that I’ve lost is with jewelry from My Hero Creations. Since I took these photos, I’ve swapped out the heart ring at the bottom of the stack for a ring with two hearts (one for each loss) and added another pair of angel wings to my necklace.
Having these tangible pieces of jewelry that honor my babies gives me strength and has been such a crucial part of my miscarriage recovery journey. No one else knows what the jewelry signifies, but I do. And I have a little reminder whenever I wear the pieces. I can’t tell you how often I find myself spinning my rings in thought or thumbing through the charms of my necklace.
I absolutely love Christina who runs My Hero Creations. If you’d like to place your own order, be sure to use code “GROWINGGRACI” for 10% off. (This post was not sponsored.)
Other Items To Consider
Besides jewelry, we have also planted forget-me-nots and designated a special candle to light when we want to have a moment to honor them.
There is absolutely no “wrong” way to honor your baby. If having something tangible doesn’t help you, try to find something that does.
Don’t throw away the items you have from your pregnancy.
After our first miscarriage, we came home and I immediately starting putting my pregnancy items away and continued to either toss or stowaway items in the days after. The pregnancy journal that I’d been so excited to fill up, the items we’d already gathered for the baby to use, even the prescription hormone suppositories that I’d been on – they all got “dealt” with.
Luckily, I didn’t opt to toss out the pregnancy journal, though, it was the first item that I stuffed away – deep in my sock drawer.
I did, however, toss my prescription of hormone suppositories and then wished that I hadn’t a couple of months later when we had gotten pregnant again and had to pay for them all over again.
All of this is just to say that you should look at all of the items that you’re tempted to toss due to grief and think about putting them in a box somewhere out of sight instead. It’s perfectly okay to not deal with it right away.
Momma, if you’re going through a miscarriage, know that I’m so so so sorry. There are absolutely no words that make that pain better. However, I do hope that the above tips help in even a small way.
If you’ve experienced miscarriage and would like to share something that helped you on your miscarriage recovery, please feel free to comment below.