I Had A Miscarriage At 8 Weeks

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I Had a Miscarriage.

Last Wednesday, my husband, toddler and I were anxiously awaiting our doctor in the exam room. We were anxious about how long we’d been waiting because we had plans to pick up my step-daughter after our appointment.

We’d had a scare a couple of weeks prior and they had put me on supplemental hormones, but on this day, we weren’t thinking that something was wrong. We were simply waiting to have the doctor take a quick peek, get a few new sonogram photos, confirm our due date and be on our way.

But, on some level, I’d felt like something was wrong with this pregnancy, and I’d mentioned it to both my mom and my husband. I wasn’t having any morning sickness, I’d stop feeling quite so uncomfortable and I couldn’t picture myself more pregnant or with a baby by the end of the year. It wasn’t really something I could explain, but it was there.

Yet, as we waited in the exam room, I’d pushed these thoughts away. After all, I’m always trying to prepare myself for the worst (and the worst rarely ever happens). I was a worried wreck with Graci, too, so I was trying my best to chalk up my feelings to anxiety, and was doing a pretty good job of it.

When the doctor finally came into the room, he asked how I’d been feeling. I told him that I hadn’t been having morning sickness which was amazing. He said maybe that meant I was having a boy.

As soon as he inserted the ultrasound wand, the baby popped up on the screen. But instead of focusing in on it, my doctor kept trying to change the angle of his view.

I could see on his face that something was wrong.

After a few moments he told us that he couldn’t see a heartbeat. My heart immediately sank. A few moments later, he used the doppler to try and see if we could hear the heartbeat.

Instead of the constant boom boom boom, we heard absolute silence.

My husband and I both knew what that meant. Our baby was gone.

We should have been 9 weeks pregnant, but the baby passed away at 8 weeks.

How Could This Have Happened To Me?

The doctor left the room to get paperwork and information for us. My husband and I were clearly distraught and I had already started crying. But this initial pain was nothing compared to the moments that came later that night and in the days since.

Even though I had a feeling that something was wrong, I’d done a good job of trying to ignore myself. Besides, I’m confident now that there is no way to prepare yourself for a moment like this.

Almost immediately, I started having questions.

How could this have happened to us? We had a healthy toddler with an uncomplicated pregnancy.

Was it something I did? Something I ate?

Could this have been a one-off thing, or was Graci our one healthy baby?

The Surgery

Early Thursday morning, my husband and toddler accompanied me to the hospital for a D&C. (I won’t go into what that procedure is because it’s the part of my story that bothers me the most.)

As soon as I saw my doctor again, I asked him more questions based on research that I’d done the night prior. (Thanks Google.) He assured me that after testing was done on the baby (or tissue as they call it), we’d know more.

The hospital staff was all very kind, and many of those that I met offered me their condolences on our loss. I was relieved that I felt so cared for on this absolutely horrible day.

Overall, the surgery was quick and I experienced very little physical pain or discomfort in the days after.

While I had expected to bleed a ton, I barely bled at all. While I had expected to need major pain killers, I didn’t even need an ibuprofen.

My loved ones were so happy that I was healing so well after the surgery, but it bothered me.

Why?

Because how could my baby be there one minute, heart beating on an ultrasound and then the next minute my body was empty with very little sign that I had lost anything at all.

Emotional Aftermath

To say that we are shattered would be an understatement. We always knew this was a risk – and thought we had prepared ourselves in some sense – but man, were we wrong. You absolutely cannot prepare yourself for something like this.

In the days since finding out that our baby was no longer with us, my husband and I have both had moments of excruciating pain. There’s this pain in our chest that never completely dissipates, and the grief sneaks up on us when we don’t expect it.

One of the strongest feelings that I’ve had to contend with is guilt. Guilt about my body’s role in losing our baby, guilt about my reactions, guilt about caring for my husband enough or guilt about having to tell my step-daughter that we wouldn’t be having a baby.

The feeling of guilt has been especially strong when I think about how I never understood what other women were going through when they experienced loss. I thought it was something that you prepare yourself for, and take it as a risk when you get pregnant. If it happens, you just try again.

Yeah, take it from me – it doesn’t work like that. You can’t prepare yourself for a loss like this. Even though I lost my baby at 8 weeks, it was still my baby and a loss like that isn’t something you just get over.

And “just trying again” is complicated and a very personal decision for a couple to make. The heartache may be enough that they decide they never want to take the chance again.

Why We Are Sharing Our Story:

We decided to share the news of our pregnancy right away this time around. We knew it was a risk, but we figured that if something bad did happen, we’d have the love and support of others.

Now that the worst has happened, instead of trying to pretend like this pregnancy never happened, we’re putting our story out there because we know we’re not the only ones to experience this. I try to share all the ups and downs of motherhood, depression and anxiety here, and this is a very real, raw part of my story now.

In fact, I feel like my identity has changed. I’m no longer just a mom, I’m a mom who has experienced loss. Nothing that I can ever do will change the fact that I lost my baby. The pain will never go away completely and I’m having to come to terms with that.

We’ve seen incredible kindness from loved ones, co-workers and medical professionals. Our doctor was incredible and we are so grateful for everything he did for us.

When I shared my broken heart on Friday on the Growing Graci Instagram account, my husband and I received almost 200 comments and almost 700 likes on our post. The amount of love that we received was incredible. Hearing other women’s stories was painful and yet so healing to us.

So here I am, trying to share our story in hopes that it will help someone else.

Be sure to check out all of these articles related to miscarriage:



22 thoughts on “I Had A Miscarriage At 8 Weeks”

  • I am 29 and have 1 child who is 12 . I am now divorced who I married wasn’t her biological father .However we tried for years to get pregnant and had failed . All the doctors couldn’t find any reason we wouldn’t be able to . I started to think that it was just not meant to happen and had given up on the idea of having another child , of course it was heart breaking . We divorced and and 2- 1/2 years later my daughters father has come back into the picture after only being reunited for 4 months I find out I’m expecting ! I was so over the moon ! My daughter had been begging for a baby brother or sister for years . We were all delighted . I went and confirmed pregnancy at 5 weeks still to early to see anything . I surprised my soon to be husband my daughter biological father with a care package the fun Pinterest ones you see . We told our family and a few close friend with clever and inventive ways . At 7 weeks I woke up at 330 in the morning with spotting and a bit of cramping , called doctors and received a this is totally normal for women in there first trimester , the bleeding continued and started to become more noticeable cramps increased I made a decision to go to the local Er . After 6 hours and several of both ultra sounds they couldn’t tell me what was happening of if I was losing the baby so they sent me home with instructions to come back if the symptoms got worse . No sooner did I get home did the cramping and bleeding become awful and clots of large sized ( abdnormal large ) began to happen . I was gone form the hospital for an hour and came back to sit in a waiting room for 2 more hours so they can tell me what I already knew . Once confirmed I will never forget the doctor leaving the room and crying the hardest I have ever cried in my life for an hour to myself, by myself . The rest was kind of a blur I know I told my mother and my husband and my daughter and my daughter and I layed on my bed and cried . And I spent the next 4 days in bed just crying . A friend who has gone through it came to visit to try and help and it did . I journaled about it . I have never been cut this deep this amount of emotional pain is excruciating. The people that mean well and say you have more time you’ll have more , how angry you become and people announcing the pregnancy. The birth of there children . It’s been two weeks since than and I am currently crying writing this . I don’t know if it helps to know your not alone . I know I started making lists of what Dosent help. I know I can tell you the anger and the resentment and the guilt , that’s normal . For those who go through the same thing , my heart breaks a little for you , I understand the pain i understand the guilt and the jealousy and the rage I understand the questioning of your higher power . Please process they way you have to . It’s important to remember that you have to take care of you first .

    • I just found out today I miscarries at 8 weeks. The pain is awful and yet, I feel silly for crying. People lose babies much later, but I still had this little piece of love. My husband and I are so sad, but want to try again. I needed this story. I needed it so badly.

      • I also had a miscarriage at 7 weeks 6 days. I didnt have no symptoms of even being pg,went to dr for a checkup and he announced that I was pg,went into ultrasound room,seen my beautiful baby…………but no heartbeat. I Thought I was going to b ok,I didn’t have symptoms,didn’t feel no movement,didn’t hear a heartbeat so I’m going to b ok. No not even close,who would of known something so small would have that much of an impact on me………I’m that person/woman who could do anything,handle anything,I got this I kept telling myself.
        I didnt,I was so heart broken and didn’t know where to turn,so lost mentally,so hurt. You dont think something like this would happen to you and then it does and then your like wow it happened to me now what. Me,myself have lots of people to talk to,to help me. But being all by myself sometimes helps and let’s me think of everything that could of been,dont get me wrong it makes me sad,but also happy that I can do that and just talk to him,my baby Noah Graciano Francia 5/5/20. I miss u like crazy7 weeks 6days was just not or will ever b enough,cant wait to see u and hold u,but I will continue to talk to you till then my handsome lil baby momma lives you forever and foralways 💌👼

    • I found out today, at my 2nd OB appt, that I had a missed miscarriage. I should have been 11 weeks and my doctor,with zero compassion says “its gone, there is no heartbeat”. He then went into a speech about statistics and I immediately asked him to give me and my partner a few minutes to process what he had just told us, then asked him to leave the room. After the inevitable set in, the doctor came back in to discuss options. We elected to have a D&C since my body showed no signs of aborting in 3 weeks since our baby’s heartbeat had ceased. The procedure is scheduled for noon tomorrow and I am an emotional train wreck . I appreciate you sharing your story, it brings comfort in knowing I am not alone in this. Thank you for validating the anger and resentment in which I know will come and go in waves. This is not my fault, a higher being knew this was the best outcome, and I find peace and comfort in knowing this,but it still hurts. And will hurt. Thank you for sharing your story so that I may realte and know that i am not alone. Peace be with you and your angel baby.

    • Thank you so much for this incredibly kind comment. It is so important to take care of yourself when going through this. I am so sorry for your loss.

  • Hi si sorry for your loss, reading your story made me feel as if it was mine … we recently had a loss just like yours only our baby stopped growing at 7w3d and his/her heart stopped too! I went to my ob to my 10 week checkup and when he saw that our little baby was too little and couldn’t find the heartbeat no words could come out of him since he knew how excited we were to finally being pregnant after 7 months of trying … My prayers are with you and God gives you strength and faith for that Baby who now is your Angel !!

  • It was great to stumble on this..I too at my 8 week ultrasound found out that my baby didn’t have a heartbeat either. About two weeks before this I started praying praying so hard because I just knew something wasn’t right but didn’t want to believe it.

  • I know the feeling. Had a chemical pregnancy in april and knew about it because we were trying and my periods are regular but I knew something was wrong when I tested so many days after my due period and it was super faint, retested days later and still super faint and then the next day started cramping so bad 2 days straight and then just gushed blood and a massive clot 🙁 felt heartbroken but finally after a few months I felt ok and found out I was pregnant in August. Period was 3 days late when I tested and the line was very obvious. Retested next day to see it darker and then 2 days later darker. Was so excited but was also nervous hoping for the best due to my experience a couple months before. Went to the doctor because of it to be monitored early on. We did an US when I thought based on my LMP I would be 7 weeks 2 days but they said I probably ovulated on the later days which is still in the normal for someone with regular periods. So I said no problem. For the 6 weeks 2 days it was growing perfect and we heard a heartbeat! But after the US the next night I had a little spotting and then super faint brown discharge through out the week following. 10 days after the US, I had some dark brown discharge which worried me a bit but tried to ignore it until the cramping started which was mild but when i went to potty i saw rust color blood and then some red and I freaked out. We went to the ER and my beta came back at 18000 and they saw a “live” baby on the US but charted couldn’t get heartbeat due to technical error functions. The thing I started questioning was they said baby measured 6 weeks and 6 days when 10 days earlier on the US we did baby was measuring 6 weeks and 2 days with 153 heartbeat. And now 10 days later it only progressed 4 days?. When they did a bedside abdominal doppler we heard the heartbeat and it ranged 98-166 stable at 136 and we felt some relief. Went home, couldn’t sleep. Woke up and had some red blood and worried. Made appt with the OB to go in that day due to the nonsense we got in the ER the night before. Appt was for 2:15pm but I started cramping around 12:15p so we headed to the doctor early to get there at 12:45p and I rushed to the bathroom to then just drop loads of clots and tissue into the toilet, screaming for help in the office. They did an US and baby had passed. They said only a little tissue and some clots left but baby was unfortunately gone. As If I wasn’t hysterical already in the bathroom I completely lost it. This just happened yesterday and I’m distraught as i write this. I’m holding back so many tears to see the screen. I just don’t understand. I’ve been checked and been told everything is good. My husband’s been checked and everything is good. Why have we had 2 losses back to back? They say after the first , the next grows to mature. Unless the chemical pregnancy being so early doesn’t count. I’m trying to not lose hope or blame myself but it’s so hard. Did I jinx it by saying I’m not pregnant when all my coworkers asked? I was way too early I didn’t wanna share esp after what happened a few months before. I was scared to share so early. I was so excited but wanting to make sure everything was good before sharing with everyone other than family. Did I cause this by holding back the truth? Did I do something? Did my body do this? Will I ever have a full term healthy baby? I’m so scared and hurting so bad. I dont know what to do at this point. I dont want to go thru this again.

  • After TTC for 5 consecutive years, we finally conceived but we didn’t know that for sure. I had a history of PCOS and most of the cycles were irregular and often with fake pregnancy symptoms. This time I also had symptoms and late AF so we thought it was all the same again. I have had enough of negative pregnancy test strips so I didn’t bother to check one. You can imagine how frustrated I could become to see one more negative strip if this is something I have been seeing for five years. So after 62 days I started having spotting. Three days of spotting and we then found out that I had conceived and it’s a miscarriage. The next morning I had massive bleeding with my amniotic sac in it. I literally held it and saw what I had lost. It was something we had been praying for, trying for, and we lost it. I was 8 weeks pregnant and had all the possible symptoms, but since the spotting I had stopped feeling anything more pregnant, just as you have mentioned. I suffered extreme physical pain for three to four days and then things moved smoothly. I have been strictly advised complete bed rest because my doctor said that I am anaemic and I will take a lot of time to recover. I want to conceive quickly now as I have figured out that we are all fine now. However I question myself almost every single night after the miscarriage, am I fine at all? I don’t know how to put this feeling in words, but this is too much for me. I cannot walk easily, I am not allowed to climb stairs, I am quite weak physically, but more than that I am weak emotionally but that’s only for me because everyone else feel that I am strong because I tolerated the pain so well and I didn’t cry for the loss. But I did cry, and I want to cry more. When I feel my physical weaknesses and feel that it may take a couple of months for us to try again, I feel what damage I have done to myself. I question again and again why was I so careless that I actually lost the most precious thing to me, my baby to be. If only I had this idea that j have conceived I would have definitely took immense care. But then I feel that everything happens for a good reason, and if I have lost it, it must be for the good. My Almighty Allah will bless me with much healthier and pious children in near future. I felt so close to what you have been through as I am going through the same. Lots of love and prayers for you and your family ❤️

  • I am so sorry for your loss :'( Miscarriage is an unbelievably painful and complicated thing to go through.

    I lost my first baby almost three years ago (read my story here: https://mamarissa.com/my-beginning-of-motherhood-miscarriage/) and I still mourn that loss regularly.

    It is something you can’t fully understand until you experience it. It is also a difficult thing to grieve because the loss is intangible.I

    I recently wrote a post on what helps women grieve miscarriage and preserve their babies’ memories. You can read that that post here: https://mamarissa.com/how-to-process-miscarriage-grief-and-preserve-babys-memory-from-mamas-whove-been-there/

    Hugs to every mama going through the miscarriage grieving process right now!

  • Thanks for sharing this. I went through the same thing in December. My partner and I have been doing IVF and that was the 1st one that stuck. It killed both of us to see the heartbeat, get released to my OB and then find out baby stopped growing 2 days after we saw the heartbeat. Deciding to move forward withanother IVF round was difficult for sure. I wasn’t necessarily ready, but my clock is ticking too.

  • I experieced the same i went for a scan at 6 weeks pregnant and dr said to give 2 weeks for attachment to complete, scheduled a booking same day for the 15th of may and as i left i started “spotting” this went on for 9 days – 3 4 days before my appointment i started getting cramps and bleeding occured very badly and aa the dr named it i got contractions. My husband took me to emergencies and by then i was almost 8 weeks the dr there claimed everything is in order but he did not see a baby….. they called my initial dr and set up an appointment for the next morning. I was in so much pain and still bleeding, that morning she saw me she asvised i had a miscarriage and there was no baby. And i got told to give 2 weeks and see to try again i think this is a loss you wont recover from ib such short time physically and emotionally. My exoected due date was though on 25 Dec 2020.

  • This just happened to me..at 8 weeks we found no heart beat. It hurts very bad. Thank you for sharing, I also had this feeling because I wasn’t getting mornings sickness. I still think it’s a horrible nightmare

  • I just had a miscarriage at 10 weeks I didn’t go to the doctor ,or hospital I’m waiting until the tissue passes by itself, I dont want to go to the hospital because of how they treat people, they make decisions about your body and if you’re not there, there is no care, I’m just scared to deal with it all over again, I know its reall I know it happened the last thing I need is some public hospital doctor who can wait to be done with me so he can go back to his phone or whatever it is they are always on the rush for, I went to this local chemist instead of giving the advice like a normal person would this white lady decided to shoot to the whole store that I had a miscarriage , I’m having the worst day, I’m waiting in the street holding my tears so that when my boss fetches me I can speak without bubbles in my mouth.

  • The early sonography was booked.. we were so excited.. although I felt apprehensive. A few years ago I had lost a baby at 12 weeks so this time I wanted to see a heart beat as early as possible to put my mind to rest.
    There was no heartbeat to be seen. We went for a second scan 10 days later and sadly we got the confirmation that the pregnancy sack had reduced in size and that everything was collapsing..
    ‘once again’ I thought to myself.. 3 weeks later and I’ve only just started bleeding out what was once a representation of our love and hope of a family, smiles, sleepless nights, tantrums, playgrounds, laughter…
    I feel empty, tired, sad.

  • On Jan. 11, 2021, I woke up to bleeding and rushed to the ER. I was in so much pain from cramping but praying without ceasing. My mother and best friend were also praying. I went to the restroom where the fetus came out. I was overwhelmed. Luckily the doctor was outside the door and said it looks to be a miscarriage. After my ultrasound was reviewed I found out that it was gone. That sweet innocent baby that was taking over my body was now gone. I couldn’t believe it. I was shocked. I started crying while the nurse assured me that I could always try again but I wanted that baby back. I realize so much is out of my hands but I know overtime I will heal. I journal, pray and talk to my best friend. My mom has been staying with me. I am surrounded with love and support. However; the sadness is there and even anger. I will keep praying, having faith, and walk in it until I heal. My sympathies go out to all the mothers who have suffered loss.

  • Thank you for writing this. My husband and I did our first IVF cycle. I had my embryo transfer on Jan 15th and my positive pregnancy test 2 weeks later. I promised myself I wasn’t going to expect much going into IVF because I didn’t want to count on anything. Almost 8 years of marriage and no babies, I was assuming it just wasn’t meant to be. When we got that positive test I cried and my husband rejoiced. That was one of the happiest days of my life. At my 6 1/2 week ultrasound (there are so many ultrasounds and bloodtests and extra medication you have to take when doing IVF) we got to see the heartbeat. I was euphoric. It reminded me of a little mouse. We started to tell a lot of people after that. I guess I figured we were over the last real hurdle of failure and were “home free”. At the 8 1/2 week ultrasound it was exactly how you described it. I noticed the ultrasound tech was seeming to struggle and I just point blank asked her, trying to hold back tears because I somehow knew what was happening, “are you not finding a heartbeat?” She said no and stopped the ultrasound. She said she was going to go find a doctor to speak with us, but I don’t really remember what they said. I cried as I cleaned myself off and got dressed. We left and I just went back to work. I couldn’t just go home and sit there. I needed to be where I could be a mindless zombie for a while. My husband tried to go back to work, but ended up taking the rest of the day off instead. It’s only been 3 weeks, but I still cry a lot. I got myself a bracelet with a nice saying engraved on the inside. I say it’s to remind me of my little boy (with IVF, we got to know the sex right away when they do all the chromosomal testing), but really I think it’s more a reminder to try to remember the month I got to be a mom. I’m 37 and this was my first pregnancy. We plan to try again, but I miss my baby too. Thank you for writing this so I don’t feel so alone and like my miscarriage was not “that big of a deal” because it was “only 8 weeks”.

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