Pregnancy: Holding My Breath Until The Second Trimester
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Pregnancy = Emotional Rollercoaster
Before I was pregnant, I had no idea what an emotional rollercoaster pregnancy was going to be. One of the hardest struggles for me was making it through the first trimester.
During the first trimester, and especially if it is your first pregnancy, your entire world is changing before your eyes.
If you are a first-time mom, your identity is about to change for good.
Someone is going to call you mom.
When I found out I was pregnant, I am pretty sure I was in shock for weeks. I suddenly had to reassess my life, and what my future would look like.
My boyfriend and I hadn’t been necessarily trying to have a baby, but we knew it was a possibility.
Yet, despite knowing that being pregnant was a possibility, I still wasn’t prepared for the moment that I got that positive pregnancy test.
I Was In Shock
No one tells you that it is okay to be in shock when you find out you are pregnant.
I had wanted a baby my entire life and I was still shocked when it actually happened.
And you know what?
I’m okay that shock was my reaction.
It’s a big freaking deal to bring a human being into the world.
And, just because I was in shock and rapidly trying to figure out what this new life adventure meant for me, didn’t mean that I didn’t want the baby. I just needed a minute or two.
I used to feel guilty that I was in shock, rather than feeling out-of-this-world excited at the news. (Isn’t that what every single woman ever is supposed to feel, no matter the circumstances?)
My boyfriend certainly wasn’t in shock. He was excited.
Instead of being overjoyed, I was focused on the practical aspects of the pregnancy and being a mother. The timing of our pregnancy was early in our relationship and I had just quit my corporate job to start my own business. There were a lot of things that I had on my mind.
My boyfriend saw nothing but the big picture of being a dad.
That’s another thing that no one tells moms-to-be: it’s okay if you get preoccupied with the details.
Holding My Breath
I was focused on all the things that could possibly go wrong.
Like what people would think about having a baby before I was married.
I was worried about the scary miscarriage statistics of the first trimester.
But slowly, that changed.
Each ultrasound, each week that passed, I felt better. I felt like I could breathe a little easier and bit-by-bit I let myself feel excited and my shock slowly melted away.
Bit-by-bit, I was able to picture my life with my little girl. I could see the exciting future that was coming our way.
When the doctor told me that I was officially in the second trimester and the chance of a miscarriage was now significantly less, I felt like the weight of the world was no longer on my shoulders.
I felt like I could get attached to my baby now.
And when I saw Graci at her anatomy scan ultrasound at 18 weeks, I let myself fall completely in love. Nothing else mattered anymore.
(Read more about my 18 week anatomy scan here.)
No Matter How You Feel, It Is Okay
No matter what the circumstances are surrounding your pregnancy, you should know that it’s okay to have a whole array of emotions and it’s okay for those emotions to change as your pregnancy progresses.
Just because you’re afraid or in shock or mixture of every emotion under the sun, it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you won’t love your child or that you’ll feel this way forever. Give yourself a minute to wrap your mind around the fact that you’re going to be a momma. It is a huge change. Be kind to yourself.